abrasionStimulating the surface of the body with abrasive materials, for example, rough silk, chamois leather, fine sandpaper, brushes, wire wool. An often overlooked but surprisingly effective set of techniques, especially on a blindfolded bottom.accident proneIn personal ads, usually means pissing and/or shitting while still clothed. See scat, Water_Sports.acucullophallia, acucullophiliaState of being circumcised (of men), attraction to men who are circumcised. See circumcision.adult babiesMay refer to those who gain fetishistic satisfaction from dressing up in infants' clothing and using associated objects like dummies and cribs; may also indicate those who enjoy elaborate role-playing scenes in which they act out the part of a baby as fully as possible.acronymsA word formed from the initial letters of a multi-word name often used in dating profiles. Common ones used at this site are:BDSM -Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism BD - Bondage Discipline SM - Sadism and Masochism DS or D/s - Domination and Submission SWM - Single White Male SWF - Single White Female SBF - Single Black female SBM - Single Black Male CBT - Cock and Ball Tourture DD - Drug and Disease free ISO - In Search Of TPE - Total Power Exchange CP - Corporal Punishment SAM - Smart Assed Masochist. age playPlay that involves taking on the role of someone of a different age. Most commonly, adults take on the role of children, perhaps in a submissive capacity -- see also daddy/boy, infantilism. Younger people may also take on the role of older people.alcoholMost likely to be encountered in an SM context in one of three ways1. As a cleaning agent in scenes involving breaking the skin. In this case you need 70% rubbing alcohol. This should be obtainable from most pharmacies, though in some areas they are reluctant to supply it since it is used in the preparation of certain illegal drugs. Convenient alcohol-soaked pre-injection swabs, 'Mediswabs', are also available. 2. Used for its property of burning at a relatively low temperature in heavy temperature play scenes. 3. Used in its familiar form of alcoholic drinks for its dis inhibiting, intoxicating and, in piss scenes, diuretic properties. Beware of using it to excess, however, especially in potentially dangerous play. algolagniaLove of pain, from the Greek. Psychological term to describe SM preferred by sexologist Havelock Ellis, who saw it as 'pain given in love'. Perhaps useful to describe that element of SM that is about the enjoyment of pain itself rather than acting out domination and submission. -- See also sadomasochism.altocalciphiliaFetish for high heels -- see under high heels.ampallangHorizontal piercing through the glans penisamyl nitriteSee poppersAnal Sex - anal intercourseUS: ass play. Any games involving stimulation of the ass hole, almost certainly by inserting objects inside it. See douching, fisting, fucking, insertive toy. Hygiene precautions should be observed with these activities -- see safer sex. See fucking.ankle restraint or cuffsA Bondage device placed around ankle -- see restraint.animal trainingAT. Games in which one or more partners, usually the bottom(s), takes on the role of an animal. The commonest is probably a dog, though horses are also popular. The 'animal' may imitate animal behavior, wear items such as collars, leads, bridles and so on, or carry out tasks associated with the animal, such as pulling a vehicle. Scenes vary enormously, both in elaborateness and in authenticity. There is no necessary connection with any sexual attraction to real animals.apadrayvaVertical piercing through the glans penisaromasNormally refers to poppers.ass playUK: ass play. Any games involving stimulation of the ass hole, almost certainly by inserting objects inside it. See douching, fisting, fucking, insertive toy. Hygiene precautions should be observed with these activities -- see safer sex.Asphyxiation -AsphyxiaphiliaBreath control to inhance sexual pleasure.BDSometimes B/D, B&D. Bondage and Discipline. Sometimes used interchangeably with SM but more strictly referring to practices involving bondage and role-playing or humiliation but little or no pain. Sometimes thought to stand for Bondage and Domination, but see also D/s and BDSM.BDSMSometimes BD/SM. Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. Catch-all term much used to lump together those perves who play with physical pain and those who don't, reflecting a concern that the term SM, with its associations with pain, is not always appropriate. See also BD, SM. BDSM emblemThis recently designed symbol is gaining some popularity in the perve community.BJBlow Job, Oral Sex -- see fellatio.ball tortureBT. Causing sensation, discomfort and pain to the male testicles, often including the scrotum as well.ball toyA wide variety of toys are available for playing with the balls, including straps, stretchers and weightsbastinadoForm of torture or punishment involving beating the soles of the feet; these are very tender and should be handled with care.bearUsually a large, bearded, perhaps older and even overweight man, preferably with substantial body hair. The bear community overlaps with the gay leather community and those who describe themselves as, or say they are seeking, bears may have very 'masculine' images and interests that sometimes shade over into SM. A smaller or slighter and perhaps younger and submissive man who seeks the company of bears is sometimes called a cub. See also daddy.BeastialitySex with animals.beatingStriking typically administered as punishment, particularly in connection with childhood punishments such as spanking, caning or belting but also used (perhaps more so in England, where some schools referred to corporal punishment with the cane as 'beating') of more 'adult' scenes like whipping. Can mean more 'violent', bruising striking such as punching, as in the expression 'beating up'.beltA device used to hold up your pants and taken out to a strike someone's ass. See belting.belt clipFastening normally made in a g-shape, opened and closed with a sprung lever, designed for fastening key rings onto belts and so on. Heavy duty versions are useful and convenient fastenings in bondage Belt clips with key rings worn on left or right have also been used as codes to indicate top and bottom respectively.beltingStriking with a belt, normally on the buttocks or thighs but sometimes on the shoulders. In everyday language, sometimes used more generally: 'belting someone in the mouth' is more likely to involve the backs of the hands than a belt.birch, birchingLight wooden rod or bundle of twigs, traditionally from the birch tree; striking with such an implement.BitingSensual play with teeth. Range of use can be extreme. blackHanky code for 'heavy SM', usually involving flagellation of some sort and/or other forms of painful play.blindfoldTemporarily blocking the sense of sight is a common technique in SM scenes. It can make the bottom feel more vulnerable, help them concentrate or 'get into the head space', and is essential to the sorts of abrasion and surface play games where everyday objects are used to give unexpected sensations. Use purpose-made blindfolds such as the cheap ones made for travelers and often distributed free by airlines, or the more expensive ones in leather or rubber from perve shops; hoods with no eye holes or blockable ones (tape over gas mask lenses with Gaffa tape); improvised blindfolds from scarves, hankies, long socks, bandages (Ace are a favorites). Check the blindfold first: they normally have to be placed carefully to be 100% effective.Safety notes: don't make blindfolds too tight and avoid undue pressure on the eyeballs. Take special care when leading the bottom round blindfold. Warn the bottom when you are removing the blindfold so they can close their eyes and open them slowly to avoid too much dazzle. And remember though some people take blindfolding in their stride, it can have unpredictable psychological effects and be very powerful and even frightening for some people in some situations. block and tackleA device that makes it possible to lift heavy weights with little effort using arrangements of wheels and ropes, ideal for suspension scenes.blow jobThe act of sucking or licking a cock -- see fellatio.blowingSucking or licking a cock -- see fellatio.body modificationMaking permanent but usually superficial alterations to the appearance of the body, sometimes by painful processes. See branding, piercing, scarification, tattooing.body shavingRemoval of all body hair below the neck. -- See depilationbondageRestriction of a person's bodily movement for erotic reasons using fastenings of various kinds. Also sometimes used loosely as a code for a wider range of SM practices, reflecting the fact that bondage interests are widespread and popular among SMers.bootlickingA common practice for domination and humiliation purposes, or sometimes just as a means of indulging a fetish for boots.boots and shoesRetifism, the fetish for boots or shoes, is a common fetish, often linked to domination.bottomSubmissive, masochist or recipient of stimulation in an SM scene. Most people use the word to mean specifically someone who enjoys being given various sensations, as opposed to a submissive, who enjoys being controlled. -- See top.bottom spaceThe psychological head space or attitude of being submissive.bowlineKnot with loop as used by emergency personnel.boyCommon term for male submissive, especially among gay men, with less expression of permanence about it than the term 'slave'. May or may not imply age play, where the adult referred to takes on the role of a younger male. Is also sometimes used of women taking a similar role. See also Daddy.brandingMaking a permanent or semi-permanent scar on the skin by burning it with a heated metal object, as practiced on livestock and in earlier times on slaves and criminals. Can be carried out safely with the correct technique and aftercare but still likely to be intensely painful, and seen by some as the ultimate either in body art or as the culmination of a heavily submissive relationship or scene.bratA submissive who enjoys rebelling in a childlike way against their dominant. Brats usually use their behavior to encourage spanking scenes.breath controlAsphyxiaphilia, auto-erotic asphyxiation (if solo play), breath games, breath play, hypoxyphilia. Games involving control or restriction of air and/or the supply of oxygen to the brain. Strangling is usually the compression of the carotid arteries to prevent oxygenated blood reaching the brain; suffocation involves reducing the level of oxygen in the air available to breathe. Hanging, where the body is suspended by the neck, though a relatively common fantasy, is very difficult to stage in a non-harmful way for SM scenes: remember that judicial hanging was intended to break the spine, not cause death by suffocation. All these games are very dangerous to play alone, and may also be dangerous if with a partner.Breast Bondage The tying up of breasts usually with rope or other device may be used. brown showersThe act of one person defecating on another in an erotic context.bullwhipVery long and heavy plaited leather whip.buntline hitchKnot with a resizable loop.butt plugObject designed to be inserted in the rectum and shaped so that it stays in position by trapping the sphincter between the bulk of the plug and the wide flanged base, an idea often more effective in theory than in practice. Various designs are available: the conical shape is the most popular but there are also torpedoes (similar to conicals but with flattened points), doorknobs (spherical) and double doorknobs (one sphere on top of another). They are usually made of solid latex but sometimes in other materials like conductive acrylic for special purposes. Latex plugs should have chains inside as a safety feature, to allow removal if they break off inside the body: the end of the chain should be clearly visible where it emerges at the base.It is very wise to start very modestly at first and build up slowly. See also dildo, vibrator. A full briefing on insertive toys is planned. CBT, CBTTCock and Ball Torture, Cock Ball and Tit (Nipple) Torture - see cock torture, ball torture, nipple torture.cable tieNarrow disposable plastic belt designed to lock back on itself that can be used for bondage purposes.cagePerhaps the ultimate all-round bondage and beloved of those into prisoner and Animal Training scenes:Califia, PatUS-based lesbian writer, activist and self-proclaimed sadist and arguably the most influential modern commentator on the SM scene.candleCould be used as an improvised dildo, but much more likely to occur in SM as a source of hot wax, in which case white household candles are preferred for their lower temperature.cane, caningThin flexible rod, traditionally of rattan; striking with such an implement as in the old-style school punishment, typically across the buttocks. Usually leaves marks and/or welts and is more damaging than one might expect.canulaLatin for channel; medically any semi-permanent arrangement giving access to the bloodstream. The wide hollow needles used, of which the best known brand are Medicuts, are also used for permanent piercing.castrationThere is some confusion over the meaning of this term. According to the OED it refers to removal of the testicles but some people use it for the removal of any or all the sexual organs of either sex. Nullification refers to the removal of any external organ, including nipples. The removal of the testicles is sometimes referred to as emasculation, the surgical operation is more properly referred to as orchidectomy and a man who has undergone it is a eunuch. The surgical equivalent with women is ovariectomy, the removal of the ovaries. Clitoridectomy and penectomy refer to the removal of the clitoris and penis respectively. The term is also used metaphorically in chemical castration, where hormones are taken to cause a cumulative and irreversible change in the body chemistry equivalent to that resulting from actual castration.All these procedures cause permanent and significant changes to the body. The removal of penis or clitoris obviously denies the person certain forms of sensual pleasure but the removal of balls or ovaries brings about hormonal changes that have an even greater impact on overall behavior. Eunuchs whose cocks are still intact retain the ability to achieve erection and ejaculation (semen but no sperm) but may have no sex drive and additionally will exhibit weight gain, loss of body hair and even lack of mental acuity. Most of these changes can be reversed by taking the appropriate hormones. These extreme body modifications may seem to many people the ultimate fear -- but they can also be the ultimate fantasy. Castration fantasies are fairly common, and played symbolically out in scenes involving cock, ball and cunt torture, permanent and play piercing and even genital shaving. A very few people choose to make their fantasies reality. It should be noted that even the simplest of the operations discussed here, orchidectomy, is a serious surgical procedure with irreversible consequences, not something that anyone can teach themselves to do safely. In former times unwilling eunuchs often died of blood loss and infection from the operation itself. catMulti-tailed whip with weighted and/or cutting ends, from the traditional naval punishment implement the Cat o' Nine Tails. A similar whip with plain ends is sometimes known as a floggercatheter - catheterizationCath. Flexible tube used in medical treatment and surgery for feeding into various body structures to allow access from the outside. In SM most likely to mean those catheters designed for the bladder, often utilized in SM 'control scenes: the best type to use for this purpose is the foley catheter, which has a balloon that can be inflated with sterile water to hold it in place once inserted.chainA sometimes stonger and more lockable, though less flexible and more potentially dangerous, alternative to rope in bondage scenes. Always make sure you observe metal bondage rules and choose chain that is strong enough to withstand whatever strain you want to place on it.chairThese are useful both in bondage and as supports for bottoms during flagellation. Elaborate purpose-made bondage chairs are available but ordinary household ones can be adapted too.chastity - chastity beltIn SM circles most likely to mean banning or physically preventing someone from achieving orgasm or even any form of genital stimulation in the long term, usually as a means of asserting domination. Also known as enforced chastity. A device intended for this purpose is known as a chastity belt or a chastity device, and wearing such a device is a form of bondage; it can also be achieved by infibulation. chemical castrationSlowly destroying a man's capacity to produce male hormones by the administration of other hormones, having an effect similar to real castration.ChokingStopping a person from breathing. Usually done with hands it is used to inhance sexual pleasure for the person being choked. Also see Breath Control circlip pliersPliers that open outwards when squeezed, ideal for opening and closing the ball closure rings used as permanent piercing jewelry.circumcisionAcucullophallia, being 'cut'. In males, the cutting away of some or all of the foreskin to expose the glans, sometimes carried out for religious reasons, and also for hygiene, though the last reason is rather unjustified if the penis is cleaned regularly, and sometimes because foreskins are too tight or cause problems in other ways. Some people have distinct preferences for circumcised or uncircumcised cocks: the attraction to circumcised ones is called acucullophilia. Uncircumcised ('uncut') men often have more sensitivity than those who have been cut, and of course have more foreskin to play with. There will also be differences in masturbation techniques.The female equivalent is the removal of the prepuce or clitoris hood, and is sometimes carried out when a woman finds it inhibits her orgasm. The folk practices that are sometimes described as 'female circumcision' can involve clitoridectomy and other genital alterations too. Some people find the idea of being circumcised exciting, perhaps as a form of symbolic castration. The actual operation, while fairly straightforward, should only be carried out by experienced people under hygienic conditions, and recovery can be uncomfortable. clampGripping device that can be used to put pressure on suitable body sites, notably nipples (see nipple torture) but also noses, cunts, loose body skin and so on. Very often a pervertible of some sort.Chosen Clothing For The Dom will choose what the submissive wears, usually costumes. clingfilmsaran wrap. Thin, soft, transparent polythene film with the property of sticking to itself, intended for wrapping food but often used as a pervertible for bondage Very popular for mummification. Also sometimes used as improvised protection against infection in oral sex scenes.clipSmall gripping device that can be used as a pervertible on suitable body sites. May also be a fastening in bondage, such as a belt clipclitoridectomySurgical removal of the clitoris. See female castration.clitorilingusSex involving contact between mouth and clitoris -- see cunnilingus.Clothespins - clothespegThese readily available and mostly harmless miniature clamps are the ultimate bargain-basement SM 'pervertible'. Usually used in multiples on breasts but can be used anywhere.clove hitchKnot used for attaching the middle of a rope to an anchor when the load is equal at both ends.cock ringRubber or metal ring that slips round base of cock and balls when flaccid.cock strapSimplest form is a narrow leather or neoprene strap that wraps around the base of cock and balls; there are various more elaborate versions.cock suckingSee fellatio.cock tortureCT. Causing sensation, discomfort and pain to the penis.codes and symbolsNumerous codes, signs and symbols are in use in the various subcultures that make up the BDSM community besides the linguistic items that this dictionary attempts to catalog. The best known, although perhaps no longer widely used, is the hanky code for indicating sexual preferences.collar and leadSome like purpose-made ones in rubber, leather or steel; some like ones made for large dogs but in all cases make sure they are an adequate size so they don't need to be pulled too tight. For symbolic purposes, humiliation, dog play and bondage. Note that wearing a collar may be an indication of a bottom -- and being led round on a lead almost certainly is -- but to some people a collar just symbolizes kinky sex with no indication of role.conchPiercing through the shell of the ear, near the ear hole.condomThe male condom, also known amongst other things as a rubber, sheath, is a thin waterproof sheath, today usually made of latex, that tightly encases the erect penis and prevents the passage of semen during fucking. Condoms were originally designed, and are still used, as contraceptive devices, but they are also essential items in the practice of safer sex; they may additionally be of interest to the rubber fetishist.A more recent invention, the female condom, is a larger cylinder, normally made from thin but tough polyurethane, that can be inserted up the pussy so that a male condom need not be used. consentThe consent of both parties is of vital importance in any sexual encounter, but the issue seems more pronounced in SM because many of the activities are those that are widely seen as unpleasant and undesirable in everyday life. Many SMers have therefore devised particularly techniques for managing consent. See also safewords.control, control sceneIn an SM context, most likely to mean scenes where the top takes control of one or more of the bottom's bodily functions, through the use of techniques like catheterisation, enemas, force-feeding and breath control. Could also include scenes where actions which are normally volitional are closely controlled by the top, either through physical restraint or role play.coprophagyEating shit.coprophiliaGaining sexual pleasure from playing with shit.CorsetA woman's close-fitting foundation garment use to gather the waist. See Waist trainingcorporal punishmentCP. Originally, retributive punishment involving the infliction of pain, often though not exclusively through blows administered with some form of flexible object like a whip or cane, and, with children, the palm of the hand. In an SM context, normally refers to the activities of caning, whipping and spanking. It often implies some form of role-playing in which the bottom is 'punished', especially recreations of 'real-life' CP or it is sometimes used simply to describe the physical activities of caning and whipping without necessarily implying 'punishment'.counting gamesRituals engaged in during whipping, or spanking, in which the submissive is required to keep count of the number of strokes delivered, often thanking the dominant after each one and asking for more. ie." That's five, Master. Thank you Master. May I have another one harder please."cropShort for Riding crop a short whip used for horses. See also riding crop.crossA major item of bondage furniture, usually constructed of wood often equipped with extra fixtures, for binding a person, particularly in preparation for flogging and whipping scenes. The familiar straight cross is known as a St George's cross; the X-shaped St Andrew's cross is much more convenient.cross dressingDressing in clothing usually worn by the opposite sex. In a sexual context, can be carried out as a sexual thrill in itself, in which case it is known as transvestism. However, is also sometimes employed in power and humiliation games, and seems most common on the heterosexual BDSM scene where male bottoms are instructed to wear female clothing and even wigs and makeup by female tops. Unsurprisingly, given the unequal social roles of men and women, men are more likely to find women's clothes humiliating, whereas women might dress in men's clothes to feel powerful and dominant.There are accounts of some societies where people cross dressed in order to have homosexual sex: the Spaniard Balboa encountered a local king in Panama whose harem of men dressed as women included his own brother, all of them being 'abused with preposterous venus' -- Balboa was so horrified he had forty of the offenders thrown to the dogs. Most modern-day transvestites, however, are more likely to be heterosexual. Cross-dressing and transvestism should not be confused with transsexuality, where a person wants to change their body to that of the opposite sex. crucifixionThis ancient Roman method of execution is universally known from the story of Jesus and its symbolic role in Christianity, though the details have been distorted by history; death is caused not by blood loss -- the most prolonged suffering takes place when the victim is just tied to the cross -- but by slow suffocation and exhaustion. With care, non-fatal crucifixions of the nail-free variety can be incorporated into scenes.cubTerm sometimes used for a young, and perhaps smaller and submissive man who seeks the company of bears.cuffA metal of leather bondage item that locks round a limb, or, as a verb, to place someone in such an item. See handcuffs.cunnilingusFrom Latin cunnus, vulva, and lingus, tongue: the act of licking and sucking the cunt, a form of oral sex, archaically known as gamahuching, and also known as 'going down on' someone or 'licking (or eating) someone out'. Can include mouth contact with the labia and the insertion of the tongue into the cunt, but the most intense physical responses are caused by licking the clitoris, a technique termed more specifically as clitorilingus. Common in vanilla sex; in BDSM it may be as a form of service performed on a top by a bottom, or a more intense form, perhaps involving the use of teeth, can be used on a bottom by a top. Hygiene precautions should be observed with this activity -- see safer sex. See also cunt torture.cunt tortureAny form of intense stimulation or pain inflicted on the female genitals: perhaps by abrasion, clips and clamps, electricity, temperature play, play piercing, gentle whipping and flogging and with nails and hands. The clitoris is the most sensitive part, and the clitoris hood (prepuce) and both labia will also repay attention. Some women are also particularly sensitive in the G-spot, a round raised area of fatty tissue about 1cm (1/3") diameter just inside the front wall of the vagina. Apart from the G-spot, the inside of the vagina itself is fairly insensitive.Some people might consider particular kinds of use of insertive toys, fucking and fisting a form of cunt torture but these are more properly dealt with elsewhere. Note: using the word "cunt" for female genitals is not as taboo in SM culture as it is in most parts of the vanilla world. cuppingThe placing of suction devices on the skin, once used to draw blood to the surface for medical leeching but now sometimes used in scenes to sensitize the skin and particularly nipples. Rubber suction cups found in snakebite kits are often used; other devices include a sealable tube through which the air can be sucked out of the cup. Avoid extreme pressure such as that available with powered pumps, and be aware that the activity can cause welting.cutA term often used in contact ads, to mean circumcised; therefore, uncut meaning uncircumcised.cuttingCutting the surface of the skin with a sharp blade, for the thrill, the sensation or pain, or to create decorative scars. The same basic safety precautions apply as with play piercing: clean the skin, use sterile implements such as the sealed sterile scalpels and razor blades available from medical suppliers, and avoid areas with major blood vessels near the surface of the skin. Two further hazards apply, however: firstly, blades are capable of doing far more damage if mishandled than needles; second, since the area of the wound is likely to be much larger, it is more open to infection, and treatment with antiseptics afterwards is essential.Safest sites are as for flagellation, such as the upper back and shoulders, buttocks and other fleshy areas away from the vital organs. Genital cutting requires the greatest skill and care, and major 'body modification' cutting such as circumcision (male or female) and penis bifurcation are best left to trained experts. D/sSometimes D/S, or D&S. Domination and Submission or Dominant and submissive.dacryphiliaSexual arousal from seeing tears in the eyes of one's partner.daddyA role taken on by some dominants or tops that mimics that of a parent: the style is likely to be 'kind but firm', perhaps with little deliberate pain-giving or cruelty except in punishment scenes. A gay male daddy's bottom is likely to be called a boy, and though such scenes can be played on a part-time basis the role is as likely to be part of a long-term relationship as with master/mistress-slave. Other sexualities may play this way too, and although the terms mummy (mommy) and girl are used, there are a number of instances of women taking on the male terms in these sorts of relationships.deal breakerA point on which players are so far out of agreement as to prevent their playing together. Fustrating, and better discovered earlier in negotiation than later in a scene.DDDrug and Disease free. See acronyms.depilationRemoval of hair. The removal of most body hair except the pubic hair for cosmetic purposes is socially acceptable in women, and even expected in many Western countries, but for men it is much more likely to be for erotic purposes. The removal of the pubic hair in both sexes is definitely kinky, though it has the added benefits of preventing the spread of pubic lice and making genital stimulation and bondage techniques more practical. It may be linked to infanitilism, or to castration fantasies, and is sometimes carried out on a bottom as an act of domination or sign of a dom-sub relationship. Hairless heads are becoming more acceptable and some balding men shave their heads to mitigate their baldness, but it can also be carried out as a sexual activity.The commonest means of removing hair is shaving, but the hair grows back fairly rapidly since only the hair above the surface is removed. There are various longer-lasting but more uncomfortable techniques that involve yanking the hair out from the root: waxing is where wax is melted onto the skin then solidified and pulled off, taking the hair with it, something that can also be accomplished even more violently with the use of strong adhesive tape. Simply pulling hair out with the hands is also possible, and in certain places has been offered as a service by prostitutes and courtesans. Modern creams and gels render this process less painful but should be handled with care: preparations intended for use on armpits and limbs may be unsuitable for use on the more sensitive tissues of nipples and genitals. The only permanent methods of depilation involve using electricity to destroy follicles; they involve some pain, have to be carried out in specialist clinics and can take one to two years. Electrolysis uses direct current, and thermolysis, alternating current, whereas blend modality is a combination of the two. dildoArchaically termed a godemiche, from a French phrase meaning 'I enjoy myself'. Penis-shaped toy designed for insertion into the body. Early versions were made of stuffed gut, leather or ceramics but today they are most commonly made from molded latex, often to a 'realistic' pattern but in hyper-realist sizes. They may be hand-held, strapped on with a harness to allow women to simulate male fucking, or held in place inside the body by harnesses or clothing. Hygiene demands that you either reserve particular toys for on particular people or cover them in condoms which are changed between different people. The word is of uncertain origin but dates back to the 16th century; it may come from the Italian diletto, 'little darling'.See also butt plug, disciplineLike many SM terms, used rather loosely, but usually refers to the imposition of rules of behavior on the bottom in domination scenes and the 'punishments' used to enforce them. A distinction is often made between intense and painful activities that are carried out so the bottom gets direct enjoyment from them (see endorphin, pain) and those carried out as a 'punishment' for infraction where in certain kinds of ongoing relationships the bottom does not determine the limits of the activity (see also consent). A bottom seeking 'discipline' would normally expect their behavior to be carefully controlled and that there will be regular opportunities for some form of physical punishment, even if mild, for infractions. When used with 'bondage' in bondage and discipline, (BD, B&D), as distinct from SM, there is a definite implication that little or no real pain is involved.dog trainingGames involving treating the bottom as a dog. Also called puppy play. See animal training.DominantOne who enjoys assuming control. One who decides what happens and when. A dominant may or may not be sadistic.
Dom/subShort for dominant and submissive or domination and submission.dominanceThe act of taking control. See domination.dominationAlternatively, dominance (a form sometimes preferred in the US). The practice of taking the dominant role in a scene, running the scene, controlling the bottom's behavior, perhaps simply as role play or humiliation or perhaps reinforced by the threat or the actual use of intense or painful physical activities directed at the bottom, and/or by restriction, bondage and physical control. A person who takes on this sexually dominant role, either habitually or for a specific scene, is known as a dominant or dom. The term dominatrix has a more specific meaning -- see below.The complimentary term for the bottom is submission, and someone bottoming to a dominant is called a submissive or sub. 'Submissive' is also an adjective, but the term subby is sometimes heard. The terms 'dom' and 'sub' to describe individuals have slightly more currency in the heterosexual scene that among gay men and lesbians, where the terms 'top' and 'bottom' are more common. Femdom, meaning a female dominant or a scene with a woman top, and its equivalent maledom, are invariably used to refer to heterosexual interaction. The overreaching term for games involving domination is domination and submission (dom-sub, DS, D/S, D/s or D&S). dominatrixThe Latin feminine of the term 'dominator', one who dominates, could just mean a woman who enjoys taking the dominant role but almost always refers specifically to the professional dominatrix who charges for staging scenes where she dominates mainly male clients. The work of these women is rarely classed legally as prostitution because very often genital sex is not involved. Some dominatrixes are renowned for their knowledge and skill at both the psychological and physical aspects of SM techniques and a number have made valuable contributions to the BDSM community.double penetrationThe act of having two openings filled at once, mouth, anus or vigina. Usually done with three people but toys can be a replacement.doucheA simple item of equipment for douching, usually consisting of a rubber bulb and nozzle, though the term is sometimes extended to cover other items of douching equipment. Also the activity of douching, as in 'I had a douche' or 'I douched'.douchingFrom the French douche, 'shower', in a sexual context this means injecting liquid, usually water, under pressure into the ass or pussy, either for hygiene purposes prior to sex, for contraceptive purposes afterwards (not terribly reliable), or as a sexual thrill in itself. In the vagina the liquid is entering a closed cavity and only a limited amount can be used. In the rectum, the cavity immediately behind the ass hole can be flushed, or liquid can be made to penetrate higher and further into the bowel and colon: such a thorough anal douche is known as an enema and the sexual enjoyment of them is termed klismaphilia. The body will quickly attempt to expel water introduced in this way with a shitting action and controlling this can be part of the fun.The main types of equipment for douching are simple douches with a rubber bulb attached to a nozzle into which liquid can be sucked and then injected; shower attachments designed for inserting into the relevant orifices (take great care with these to regulate the pressure and temperature of your shower); and enema kits of the sort designed for medical use to relieve constipation. These consist of a vessel or bag attached to a long tube of around that ends in a nozzle (there are sometimes interchangeable heads for both anal and vaginal use), with a valve or clamp for turning the flow on and off. The length of the tube is necessary for the bag to be suspended above the recipient so that air pressure will force the liquid down. Sometimes the term 'douche' is extended to cover any or all of these items of equipment. Douching is generally a harmless game but can cause problems if done incorrectly. To prevent infections, the equipment should be kept clean and should be reserved for one-person use, and should not be swapped between ass and pussy without a thorough cleaning. Douching with someone else's piss carries some risk of transmitting infections. Clean water is safest: various soaps can irritate internal tissues, and alcohol and other drugs are absorbed much more readily through the wall of the intestine than when taken orally, with a risk of rapid intoxication and even poisoning if any but the smallest quantities are used. Start by using only modest amounts of liquid, a pint is quite enough for an enema. Avoid high pressure: let the water flow gently. Frequent douching can disturb the natural balance of chemicals and micro-organisms inside the body and vaginal douching is not recommended for women with IUDs. Some enema fans recommend eating live yoghurt after a session to replace bacteria lost from the gut. -- See also safer sex. dress codeA set of rules imposed at a BDSM venue or party that requires customers or guests to dress in a certain way. Dress codes date back to a time that the scene was much smaller and more furtive than it is today, where they truly were 'codes' that allowed those with certain sexual proclivities to recognize each other, but they still endure in many places, much to the disgruntlement of critics who argue that one's ability to put on certain clothes says little about one's sexual experience and capabilities. Typical dress codes in gay male (and some lesbian) circles revolve around leather, denim, rubber, 'uniform' and, in Europe, skinhead gear. On the straight scene acceptable appearances cluster round the more obviously fetishistic materials like leather, rubber and PVC but in a more extravagant repertory of styles, with space for the costumes of other fantasy figures like nurses and nuns.drugsBy drugs here we mean recreational drugs, those intoxicating substances taken for reasons other than medical ones. The marginal nature of the BDSM community means that some drugs may be more familiar to its members than to society at large, but in general wise BDSMers do not mix drugs and play, and many play parties and events have no-drugs rules. Many SM activities are potentially dangerous and it is important that both top and bottom are alert and aware of any problems.Nevertheless some people do experiment with drugs in combination with scenes. Poppers are the most familiar drugs to be indelibly associated with sex. Alcohol and cannabis in small amounts are sometimes convenient disinhibitors and relaxants. Some people use speed to keep them going through long scenes; others experiment with hallucinogenics like acid (psychologically risky). The effects of some drugs can be inappropriate: ecstasy may make you too docile for complicated sex, and opiates like smack are powerful analgesics that inhibit the perception of pain! duct tapeA strong woven adhesive tape available in generous widths of 2" or more and a useful standby for bondage purposes, and especially popular for mummification. A tape known as gaffer's tape is rather weaker but is sometimes used as a substitute.dungeonMelodramatic term for a playroom, a room specially equipped for SM sex, perhaps of the heavier or more leathery variety.DurexBest known British brand of condom.dydoPiercing passing at right angles through the rim (corona) of the glans penis.EMS unitAn electrical toy -- see TENS unitearlPiercing through the bridge of the nose.elastratorDevice, resembling a pair of tongs, used for applying very strong and tight elastic bands, intended for vetinary use in castrating and tail-cropping young animals, but sometimes used as a form of clamp in SM play, especially on nipples (prolonged wearing of such bands should be avoided).elbow restraintBondage device placed around elbow -- see restraint 2.electrical playUse of electrical toys in a play scene.electricityElectrical play, electro torture. Using electricity in SM games seems a scary notion to many people but it can easily be made safe provided two simple rules are followed: only use devices powered by low-powered batteries, and certainly no mains-powered appliances; and avoid placing any contacts above the waist (including on hands or arms), because even small currents in the heart or brain can disrupt those organs' own delicate electrical activity with serious consequences. Popular devices include Relaxicisors and TENS machines, designed for muscle and back-pain therapy,and violet wands, which use radio frequency discharge and can be used above the waist provided the face is avoided.electrolysisAn electrical procedure for hair removal -- see depilation.emasculationRemoval of the male genitals, especially the testicles -- see castration.endorphinBeta-endorphin. A form of chemical produced naturally by the body that seems to be involved in regulating the perception of pain. The name is derived from 'endo-' meaning internal, and the name of the drug morphine: endorphins are chemically similar to opiates, and one of the factors in opiate addiction is that the body stops producing them in response to the presence of the drug. The detached euphoria sought after and enjoyed by some SM bottoms as a result of heavy pain games may in part derive from the release of endorphins.enemaA thorough anal douche using a bag and tube often used before anal sex.enforced chastityEC Required chastity of a sub to a Dom. - See chastity.epilepsyAccording to Jay Wiseman, seizures are the second most common medical emergency in SM play after fainting, and epilepsy is one of the most common causes.erotic power exchangeSomewhat genteel term for SM.ethicsThere are a number of ethical rules of thumb prevalent in the SM community, informing both personal practice and the rules and etiquette at play parties and meetings. The best known are that play should be Safe, Sane and Consensual, and that you can Hurt but not Harm.eunuchA man who has had his testicles removed -- see castration.ExaminationsTo be looked over entirely, often means medical exam using a speculum or other medical device.Fantasy RapeA rape scene played out but with consent and arrangement by both parties.face fuckingForcing a blow job. -- See fellatio, fucking.faintingA temporary loss of consciousness caused by lack of oxygen to the brain, which can be result from standing still for too long in a warm atmosphere, but also sometimes from fear, shock or intense emotion: on both counts it is a significant hazard in some forms of SM play, and is also sometimes brought about deliberately -- see breath control. Recovery from fainting should be rapid and complete but there is some evidence to suggest that regularly induced fainting can cause cumulative brain damage.fellatioCock sucking, giving a blow-job (BJ) or blowing, going down on someone, being face fucked: the act of sucking or licking a penis, or having a penis inserted in the mouth. Once considered a perversion, now a common vanilla option, but also used among BDSMers. A bottom may perform fellatio as an act of submission, or an top may do it to a bottom in some intense way, perhaps including using the teeth -- see cock torture. The word is first recorded in English in 1887 and is clearly derived from the Latin fellare, to suck McDonald; a man who performs the act is a fellator and a woman who does so is a fellatrix. Hygiene precautions should be observed with this activity -- see safer sex.female condomSee condom.femdomA female dominant or female domination done by a Domatrix.fetish, fetishismIn anthropology, a fetish is an object to which powers are attributed that go beyond its natural ones; when the term is extended to sexuality, it indicates an object not naturally connected with sexual reproduction that nonetheless causes sexual arousal for some people. As Freud puts it, the fetish 'bears some relation to the normal sexual object but is entirely unsuited to serve the normal sexual aim' (by which, of course, he means the reproductive aim). The best known object fetishes are for items of clothing, especially those made out of particular materials like fur, leather and rubber, and boots and shoes. However, if the notion of a fetish is extended to include activities, then SM, which consists almost entirely of activities 'unsuited to serve the normal sexual aim', appears as one big fetish.Note that originally 'fetish' was used of the object itself: a particular artifact would be a fetish. But in its sexual use it usually means the propensity to be aroused by a certain object, as in 'Mary has a fetish for dirty socks', and the object is called 'the fetish object'. 'Fetishism' is the propensity to be aroused by a fetish object. first aidSome basic skills in emergency medical treatment, of the sort that are taught on first aid courses, could be invaluable when you are putting people into some of the potentially stressful or dangerous situations of some SM.fistingFist fucking, FF, handballing. Placing or attempting to place the whole hand (or even both hands) into the rectum or vagina. The hanky code for fisting is red, and the activity is sometimes described simply as 'red'. In fact the hand is only formed into a fist, if at all, once it is fully inserted, a process that requires a great deal of gentleness, care and patience. Moving the fist repeatedly in and out of the orifice is known as punch fucking; it is a dangerous advanced technique and relatively rare.Fisting is not always counted as an SM technique because it actually requires a good deal of collaboration to be successful and has its own circle of aficionados, amongst whom switching roles is often the norm. flagellationFirst used in English for the self-whipping of medieval religious flagellant cults. In the modern era used as a general term to describe SM-related whipping, beating and spanking for erotic stimulation. A useful overall term, though currently out of fashion on the SM scene.floggerMulti-tailed implement designed for striking the body, similar to a cat but normally with broad, blunt tails rather than those that end in sharp knots or spikes. Using a flogger is known as flogging.floggingA term that can be used for striking with a variety of different flexible implements, sometimes used as a general term for these sorts of activities. Some SMs now restrict the term to the use of the implement known as a flogger, similar to a cat but normally with broad, blunt tails or tresses.force feedingA variant of the techniques formerly used on hunger-striking prisoners or in hospitals where medical conditions prevent normal eating is occasionally used in heavy control SM scenes to gain control of digestion. It is possible to insert a tube from the mouth into the stomach (an orogastric tube), but a tube inserted through the nose is safer -- see nasogastric tube.freeplayA form of play sometimes employed when the main interest in an SM activity is the physical sensation (see pain) or experience, where no domination or submission is involved and the partners swap roles during the scene or do things to each other simultaneously.fuckingSex play involving repeated insertion and withdrawal of the cock in either the cunt (vaginal intercourse) or the ass hole (anal intercourse), by extension doing something similar with the cock in other orifices (for example, face fucking, a particularly intense form of fellatio) or using other objects in the cunt or ass hole with a similar motion (for example, fist fucking, finger fucking). A vanilla option that nonetheless occurs in SM play (and not necessarily with the bottom as the receptive partner). Hygiene precautions should be observed with this activity -- see safer sex. See also ass play, cunt torture, insertive toy.full head hoodsHood used to cover a submissive's head during a scene, used for sensual deprivation.gagA restraint put into a person's mouth to prevent speaking. Usually a ball put and held in the mouth with a leather strap.genitortureSometimes used as a general term for pain games involving the genitals. See ball torture, cock torture, cunt torture.girlPossible term for female submissive, though much less common than its male equivalent boy, perhaps because for various sociolinguistic reasons adult women are termed 'girls' much more readily in everyday life than adult men are termed 'boys'. See also Daddy.given awayThe act of giving a submissive to another Dominant to use or keep.giving headOral sex -- See fellatio, fucking.go down onFellate. giving head-- see fellatio.golden showerA euphemism for a game involving piss, especially when someone is pissed over. See also Water Sportsgrand malA form of seizure such as those that can be caused by epilepsy.hafadaPiercing through the upper part of the scrotum.hairbrushesOften used in age play for spanking but bristles can be used for puppy play too.handballingAlternative term for fisting.handcuffsThese metal bondage items, familiar from police use, are another one of those well-known SM icons that have real practical drawbacks: they can be painful and damaging to nerves and bones, and like all metal bondage items should be used with great care. Two popular types are the U-shapes with a cross-piece and the ratchet type. Straight 8s have both cuffs as one solid piece rather than joined with a chain, thumb cuffs are usually mini straight 8s and ankle cuffs are larger and with a longer chain. Also a verb, 'handcuff' or 'cuff', to place someone in handcuff.hand jobBringing a person to sexual climax by use of the hand.hangingSuspending the body by the neck, a very dangerous game.hanky codeA visual code designed in the early 1970s so that gay men on the leather/SM scene could display their specific sexual interests by displaying particular colored hankies in their back pockets in conjunction with the left-right convention.harmAs opposed to hurt -- a common BDSM rule of thumb is that one should hurt, not harm.harnessBondage apparatus consisting of a network of straps designed to form a web over a large area of the body or the head. The best known is the leather body harness for wearing around the upper torso, as seen in the classic leatherman look. However they can be made of a variety of materials, and not all are just made for show. Also a verb, 'harness', to place someone in a harness.headSucking cock ie. Blow Job -- See fellatio, fucking.high heelsAlong with boots, the most fetishised items of footwear around: they combine the discomfort and pain of wearing them with the damage they can inflict when used as weapons. The fetish is termed altocalciphilia.hobble skirtVery narrow skirt with hem just below the knee that restricts the wearer's ability to take anything other than very short steps, sometimes used as a bondage item.homage with tongueShowing respect for the Dominant's body with the tongue.horseIn bondage, a horse is any item of furniture that a bottom can be tied down over, usually to expose the buttocks for some form of flagellation. They can be improvised from chairs, gym horses can be used, or purpose-built items acquired.hurtInflict pain. A common BDSM rule of thumb is that one should hurt, not harm.hot waxThe pouring of melted wax on a submissive. Not as severe as would be imagined now with low temperature candle wax available.humiliationActivities which cause the submissive to feel shame, embarrassment or degradation. Varies widely from person to person. Possibly psychologically explosive. Can be done privately or in the course of a scene in public or at a club.human puppy dogTraining your submissive to be a good puppy. -- See Animal Traininghurt not harmThere is a common ethical code in many BDSM circles that you can hurt people, in the sense of inflict pain, but that you should not harm them but inflicting any lasting or serious physical or psychological damage.hypoxyphiliaSexual arousal from the limiting or withholding of oxygen -- see Breath Control.ice cubesUsed to bring submissive to extremes in temperature. Ice Cubes to a blindfolded person can give them a burning sensation.immobilizationAny form of bondage technically immobilizes someone, but this term is usually reserved for extreme forms where someone literally cannot move a muscle, not to be recommended for long periods. See also mummification.infibulationFastening of the genitals to prevent intercourse or even sometimes arousal, as in chastity games, usually achieved by piercing or suturing (sewing).including othersBringing another person into a scene. Can be either another Dominant or submissive.insertive toyAnything inserted into a bodily orifice, especially the ass hole or the pussy, for sexual purposes. Examples include the butt plug, the dildo, the vibrator and of course various parts of the body (see also fucking). Hygiene precautions should be observed with all of these -- see safer sex.interrogationsOral questioning intended to put the submissive in a defensive mood and usually results in torture of some sort.ironsVarious kinds of metal bondage equipment, the best known being the leg irons with two riveted steel cuffs for the ankles attached to a bar or chain. As with all metal bondage items, they have their own hazards.jugsBreasts, hehehejug sling hitchKnot with resizable loop suitable for attaching tethers to the bottom.kidnapping1. Submissive is taken to a different location for the scene.2. Submissive is brought into a scene at an unspecified time. Usually okayed well in advance. klismaphiliaThe obtaining of sexual enjoyment from enemas -- see douching.kneelingKneeling to show respect is a major part of D/s.knotThe simplest way to fasten rope bondage and a skill that most BDSMers benefit from gaining some proficiency in.labretPiercing into the mouth from just below the center of the lower lip .lark's headKnot for attaching rope to an anchor point leaving two ends dangling.lash, lashing1. A sort of long-tailed implement like a whip that can create a stinging pain; striking with such an implement.2. To fasten something to something else with rope. leatherMaterial made from the cured skin of animals is a popular sexual fetish: it may combine some natural appeal with the social associations of particularly black leather with power and masculinity. Certainly it often co-occurs with SM interests and was the dress code and de facto uniform of the influential gay male SM community that developed in the US from the 1960s, who came to be known as leathermen. Consequently 'leather' is often used, rather euphemistically, as a general term for BDSM interests.Today the leathermen have been joined by leatherwomen and phrases such as 'leathersex', 'leather community' and 'leather lifestyle' are used to imply much more than a fetishistic interest in the material itself. The usage is particularly common in the US, and among lesbian and gay SMers, though it has some currency on the straight scene too. But in fact the overlap between the two interests has never been total and there are many SMers for whom leather does little. The usage would be acceptable, albeit potentially confusing, if it were accepted that there were two meanings, and that those into 'leather' would not necessarily be wearing leather. Unfortunately some SMers fail to comprehend that others can have a different complex of sexual interests from themselves and insist that 'real' SMers wear leather while 'real' leatherpeople do SM. This attitude was already widespread in the 1970s with complaints that most of the people wearing leather in the bars just 'liked the look' and were otherwise totally vanilla. Today it is more likely to manifest itself in arguments over dress codes and the complaints are as likely to come from SMers who want to play in public spaces without having to conform to someone else's fetish. It should be noted that even just as a fetish the term 'leather' is not likely to indicate just any old leather but implies a specific subset of leather clothing, preferably in black. The most essential item is the classic motorcycle jacket, and this may often be enough on its own to satisfy a dress code if worn with denim jeans and boots. Also acceptable are black leather trousers, chaps, shirts and various items of bondage wear such as harnesses. Red suede jackets, blacksmith's aprons and white kid gloves will generally not do. Leather Pride flagThis recently designed symbol enjoys a gradually spreading popularity particularly among lesbian and gay SMers; Leather here is certainly being used in its wider sense.leathermanMay just mean a man into leather as a fetish but more likely to mean a male SMer belonging to a particular community where the wearing of leather is the norm, a particularly common usage among gay male SMers. See leather.leatherwomanMay just mean a woman into leather as a fetish but more likely to mean a female SMer belonging to a particular community where the wearing of leather is the norm, a particularly common usage among lesbian SMers.. See leather.leather restraintsThe most popular material for bondage restraints. Unlike metal, does not usually leave marks.left-right conventionA well-know visual code to indicate sexual interests whereby an accessory displayed on the left of the body indicates top or active, and on the right, bottom or passive. Used in conjunction with the hanky code to indicate more specific activities.leg ironsSee irons.leg restraintA Bondage device placed around leg -- See restraint.leg stretcherRestraint designed to force the legs apart also call a spreader bar.limitThe point beyond which a player in a BDSM game does not consent to go. Can either indicate a particular activity that someone cannot cope with or finds a turnoff, or a point reached in play at which the stimulation ceases to be enjoyable or satisfying, or becomes impossible to cope with psychologically. Obviously the limits will vary between person to person and situation to situation. Note that although limits are usually thought of in connection with bottoms, they are also applicable to tops. Check out our activity checklist.lorumPiercing through the skin on the underside of the penis.lunge whipQuirt. Long thin whip used in coaching and carriage-driving.MA potentially confusing abbreviation. In SM it stands for masochism and so may indicate a masochist. But it can also stand for the opposite role in the opposition of master or mistress and slave. When used for masochist it may be written m in lower case; when used for master or mistress it is almost always written in upper case. Thankfully the sense is usually clear from the context.M/s Master/slaveSometimes MS, M&S or M-s. Master (or mistress) and slave.madisonPiercing through the front of the neckmadonnaPiercing through either side of the upper lip.malaccaThick cane with a knob-shaped handle at one end.maledomA male dominant or male domination.manacleMetal rings joined by a chain to restrain wrists or ankles.martinetSmall flogger usually having six leather tresses of the same length as the handle.masochism, masochistIn contemporary BDSM circles, the propensity to enjoy undergoing experiences normally thought of as painful, and one who enjoys such experiences, but the terms have a more complex past. See sadomasochism.masterFemale equivalent: mistress. Dominant, controlling partner or top in a relationship based on sexual domination and submission (DS), where the submissive partner is known as the slave. Such relationships are known as master/mistress-slave relationships, abbreviated to M/s, M-s or MS. Both terms were formerly used more generally to cover a variety of different BDSM styles but as the community begins to disentangle D/s from the enjoyment of pain, they are gradually becoming specialized to situations where the D/s element is particularly essential or marked and/or where it perhaps extends into everyday life, as when the slave carries out domestic tasks for the master/mistress or adopts formalized rules of address and other rules of behavior. There are even cases of 'full-time' or 24/7 (24 hours a day, seven days a week) M/s relationships, where the slave has perhaps signed a contract and considers him/herself owned as 'property'. See also daddy, discipline, domination, sadomasochism.medical sceneScene involving some form of medical procedure or scenario, perhaps with the top playing the role of a doctor or nurse and the bottom a patient, often with a control element. Typical medical scenes may involve intrusive physical examinations and insertive medical equipment such as specula, douching and enemas, and perhaps catheterisation, piercing, suturing, electricity, breath control with anaesthesia masks, and the use of naso-gastric tubes.MedicutTrade name for a common type of canula needle.mistressFemale equivalent of a master.mommyFemale equivalent of a daddy.mouth bitsSimilar to a gag but a bar is used instead of a ball.mummeeOne who is mummified.mummificationA specialized kind of bondage in which the whole body, including the head if some form of breathing tube is used, is wrapped tightly using materials like cling film (saran wrap) and gaffa tape, cloth or latex bandages until the bottom (the mummee) is completely immobilized. Holes are then sometimes made for access to genitals and other areas.mummyOne who is mummified, though in this case the spelling 'mummee' is usually preferred.munch A gathering of SM people usually in a restaurant, for the purpose of socialization and chat. It come from the contraction of Meeting and Lunch but has become the general term for non play gatherings. nasogastric tube - NG tubeNG tube. Sterile rubber or polythene tube used in hospitals for direct access to the stomach via the nose for feeding or pumping. Used in control-type scenes for force feeding and the giving of fluids. They are considered a safer and more comfortable alternative to orogastric tubes, which access the stomach via the mouth.negotiationWith the variety of activities that come under the rubric of BDSM, the huge variation in individuals' limits and the importance of consent, a good deal of open, honest negotiation before a scene is vital. There are various ways to make this process fun as well, one is to use our activity checklist for Negotiations and Limits.nipple tortureSingling out the nipples for particular attention usually with clamps, fingernails, teeth and other fun items.Clamps are most popular and can be as simple as clothes pins or as elaborate as clamps that vibrate. Weights can be added for extra attention. noviceThe usual term for someone new either to BDSM as a whole or to a particular activity. Very few people come out onto the scene with no experience at all -- most have experimented on themselves or perhaps persuaded vanilla partners to indulge some of their desires -- but nonetheless a good top will take a different approach to a novice bottom than to an experienced one, and for successful negotiation should be honest about their levels of experience. Activity Checklist.nuchaePiercing through the back of the neck.nullificationThe surgical removal of an external part of the body, as in castration.oral sexAny sex involving contact between mouth and asshole (see rimming), cock (see fellatio) or cunt (see cunnilingus. All these were once considered perversions, but are now vanilla activities that frequently arise in a BDSM context too. Hygiene precautions should be observed with all of them -- See safer sex.orchidectomyThe surgical removal of the testicles -- see castration.orgasmThe moment of most intense pleasure in sexual intercourse.Denial held back usually for purpose of punishment Control held back to built anticipation. paddle, paddlingA flat instrument for striking the body with, particularly the buttocks; using such an implement, which effectively imitates the effect of the flat of the palm in spanking.padlockThe familiar piece of household security equipment consisting of a lockable metal clip is sometimes used as a means of securing in bondage.painPain is, in broad terms, the body's warning that something is wrong, but our pain responses are very complex and it is very easy to produce the effect of pain without doing any real harm; the pain threshold, at which a stimulus crosses the boundary between intense sensation and pain, is also a grey area in terms of our perception, and can vary according to context.SM is associated in most people's minds with potentially painful activities,sometimes referred to as pain games (for example various kinds of flagellation or Permanent piercing is carried out with a relatively thick needle in order to insert jewelry which is then worn on at least a semi-permanent basis.
Play piercing is carried out for the experience of the piercing itself, the sensation of which can vary between barely noticeable and excruciating depending on where and how it is done. Thinner needles are used and are removed before the end of the scene.
Most tops err on the side of caution when playing with someone new so there is a good possibility with partners who do not know each other well that the bottom will feel frustrated that his or her limit is not being reached. If this is happening it's usually less irritating and disruptive to either wait for a break or call one and then explain what is happening explicitly to the top. The situation can be usually be avoided by patience and honest negotiation.
2. Restraint, a term for various objects designed for bondage purposes, usually consisting of straps or buckles for placing round limbs prior to fastening them together, as in ankle, elbow, leg and wrist restraints.
Rubber fetishism often, though not universally, co-occurs with a particular set of other fetishisms and interests: breath control, fisting, piss, shaving and shit are all fairly likely bedfellows.
The character of the rubber scene has changed over the past few decades: in days gone by people could still remember rubber clothing such as raincoats made for practical purposes and the fetish often focussed around such items. Today almost all rubber gear is made specially for fetishists, and its popularity seems to be on the increase, perhaps encouraged by renewed interest in condoms for safer sex purposes. The only vanilla items still found are the ever popular gas masks, wellington boots and waders and items of heavy industrial protective clothing.
Contrary to the popular understandings of today, Krafft-Ebing did not see the two as complements: sadists were sexually aroused by the infliction of cruelty and pain on others or on themselves, whereas masochists were aroused by fantasies of being controlled, dominated and humiliated. Krafft-Ebing's definition clearly separates two tendencies which are usually present in various proportions in most people who would describe themselves as BDSMers, but which it is often useful to keep distinct: the interest in domination and submission, and the interest in the infliction of pain. However neither Krafft-Ebing nor many of the psychologists following him, until Ellis, made a distinction between those who aroused themselves by inflicting cruelty on unwilling victims, and those who incorporated elements of pain and domination into consensual sexual encounters for mutual pleasure. Thus in everyday speech the term 'sadist' in particular is used loosely to describe anyone who is inordinately cruel or unpleasant.
Freud first blended the pair of terms into sadomasochism, emphasizing the potential reciprocity of the use of pain in sexual encounters but obliterating the distinction between what we might call the sensual side of SM and the psychological, dom-sub side. This confusion has persisted and the two are only now beginning to be unpicked by SMers themselves.
Today as it is normally used, the term 'sadomasochism' usually suggests mutual consensual activity for the purposes of sexual arousal which involves some sort of pain, restraint or domination. However, it covers a wide field with very flexible borders, encompassing all kinds of things that aren't considered normal or conventional sex: indeed, you sometimes think some people use it to cover everything a little unconventional that they personally find a turn-on.
Some people, however, do attempt to maintain the distinction between interests in pain and in other activities like dom-sub, clothing fetishes, bondage for its own sake and so on, and reserve the term sadomasochism for pain games. Despite Krafft-Ebing's original distinction, today most people on the BDSM scene who describe themselves as 'sadists' intend to emphasize the enjoyment they obtain from inflicting pain, and those who describe themselves as 'masochists' to emphasize the enjoyment they obtain from enduring it, within certain limits. This narrower reading of 'sadomasochism' is reflected in the use of more 'all-encompassing' terms such as 'BDSM', 'perve' and even euphemisms like 'leather'..
Note that only a proper condom should be relied upon for contraception and safer sex; if you intend to fuck someone while wearing a fetish or novelty sheath, wear a very generously lubricated strong condom underneath.
Some people may find the shit itself a turn-on, others find it as repulsive as most people but get off on the degradation and humiliation of playing with it; it may also be linked to an interest in ass hole s (see ass play) as a sex organ. Shit games range from an interest in fucking shitty ass hole s, through wanting to handle and be smeared in it to wanting to eat it, a practice known as coprophagy, perhaps as part of a submissive fantasy about being a toilet (see also rimming).
Though having shit on unbroken skin can do little harm, there are some health risks attached to coprophagy, particularly involving the transmission of bacterial and yeast infections and viruses like hepatitis-B (although shit is not particularly a risk for HIV unless blood is present -- see safer sex). Some people act out these kinds of games as fantasy by substituting items like chocolate cake at the last moment.
Form of paddle with hinged second
surface to produce extra-loud noise on contact.
2. Sound, in the sense of aural stimulation, is sometimes used in the context of a scene.
Also may not imply role-played domination and submission but just who does what to whom. Confusingly some people associate them with anal intercourse, but it should be remembered that some tops like to get fucked too. A person who alternates both roles, either from scene to scene or within a scene, is known as a switch
or switch-hitter.
|